Proving Aristotle Wrong, Psychology Style
First, the good intention part. With the information overload we usually experience, our brain finds it difficult to thoroughly process each bit of info as it comes. Hence it resorts to a veritable laundry list of mental shortcuts or rules of thumb to make judgments and attributions. This way, time is saved and less mental effort is expended. Quite adaptive.
The hitch is, these heuristics, called cognitive biases, often lead to serious errors.
While you may want to believe otherwise, you can't deny that you find it difficult to reason in a perfectly logical way all the time.
Remember the last time you underestimated, grossly, how long it would take you to complete an assignment? That's planning fallacy, a cognitive bias pertaining to decision making. There are several others, pertaining to social attribution and memory, besides statistical or probability/belief based fallacies.
The cognitive biases we fall prey to most often (read: the names I found fancier than the rest) are:
1. The Semmelweis reflex- Rejecting out of hand any information without much inspection just because it contradicts a previously held idea or norm. So, established paradigm wins over new information. Something like "if the facts don't fit the theory, throw out the facts."
2. Self fulfilling Prophecy or the Pygmalion effect- Remember the sculptor who created a beautiful statue and later fell in love with it? That was Pygmalion. Alright, this is a prediction that causes itself to become true due to the very fact that the prediction was made. If your teachers are made to believe you are an "intellectual bloomer", you will turn out to be so, as this research proved.
Keep it in mind the next time you are tempted to call your boyfriend an ass.
3. Deformation Professionnelle- The tendency to examine issues from the vantage point of one's own profession only, at the cost of other possibly relevant perspectives. The classic example is the joke "when all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail".
4. Confirmation Bias- The tendency to seek out information and people who reinforce our beliefs and preconceived notions. An example could be choosing that newspaper which follows the same political ideology as yours or favouring a yea-sayer subordinate. If one is not careful, one may hence miss out on important information that is deliberately screened, and make catastrophic decisions.
5. Reactance- The tendency to do the opposite of what one is instructed to do by others because of the perception that they are trying to restrict one's freedom. This is where reverse psychology comes from: a technique involving the advocacy of a belief or behavior that is opposite to the one desired, with the expectation that this approach will encourage the subject of the persuasion to do what actually is desired: the opposite of what is suggested.
6. Fundamental Attribution Error- The Big Brother of all cognitive biases, it is the tendency to overestimate the impact of dispositional factors (as opposed to environmental factors) on other's behaviour. Instead of the many external circumstances that could have led to the act, we choose to attribute it to the convenient "because he is that kind of a person." A closely related error is the 'actor-observer effect' due to which we have a tendency to attribute dispositional causes to others' behaviour but external causes to our own. Like 'you fell; I was pushed'.
There are hundreds others out there, and one way to minimise their effect is to remain open to diverse opinions and look up statistical figures when in an uncertain situation. No, being aware of these biases doesn't help much. Kahnemen, the leading authority in this field has said, "My intuitive thinking is just as prone to overconfidence, extreme predictions, and the planning fallacy as it was before I made a study of these issues."
So there's only so much one can do about it. Specially if one is intelligent.
Yes, Kahneman's studies showed that more cognitively sophisticated participants showed larger bias blind spots i.e. the assumption that others are more susceptible to thinking errors!
Even knowledge doesn't count much as more than 50% of Harvard, MIT and Princeton students gave incorrect answers to a simple question designed to test whether they could keep their cognitive biases at bay.
The Hurdles Parents Face When Hiring A Private Tutor
Different parents decide to hire a private tutor for different reasons. Some parentshire a tutor when their child is already performing well at school, and just want to do even better. Many parents however hire a tutor because their child is struggling in one or more areas, and often has been for some time.
No matter how long your child has been struggling at school, one thing has become very clear. The longer the child is left to struggle without the right support, the greater the problem becomes, and the more difficult it becomes to intervene. This is for two reasons, both of which I feel that all parents should be aware of.
The first is because of the cracks in their skills foundation. If your child has been lagging behind for many years, then trying to catch up quickly can be like trying to build a new house on a poor foundation; the new additions are not supported properly and crumble too easily under the slightest pressure. This is why any good tutor should aim to identify where those foundational weaknesses are precisely, and work on strengthening them as a priority above all else.
The second and most common reason is because of the foundational beliefs that a child develops about their own abilities. No matter what we as adults verbally explain to our children, they tend to take things very personally. When they see that their peers around them seem to be able to 'get it' whilst they don't, it often leaves them with the feeling that "I'm dumb" or "I'm just not good enough at this and I can't do it." These experiences can cause humiliation, shame and a huge gap in their confidence.
As kids get older, the last thing they want is for their parents (or anyone else for that matter) to be focusing on their weak spots. You may notice that when you try to speak to your child about their struggles, they may become shy, irritable, frustrated or even angry and do everything they can to avoid mum or dad focusing on it. This often causes mums and dads a lot of frustration as well, which only further serves to make the situation worse. In fact, in many instances, mum or dad is knowledgeable enough to be able to help their son or daughter with their schoolwork, but the irritability and frustration factor pose the biggest hurdle, and can often lead to a feeling of helplessness.
If this situation is one that you can associate with, the first thing you need to be aware of is that you are not alone. This is very common. The frustration you may experience is normal. The helplessness however is unnecessary, as now you can rest assure that you've found the right help.
You know that your son or daughter does have their particular strengths, is very capable in some areas, and is certainly not 'dumb'. You want them to be able to see how capable they really are but you don't know how to show it to them because the reality is that their experiences at school are not painting the picture you wished they could see. You want the best for them but your attempts to help them either don't help as much as you wished they could, or, in some circumstances, may just add fuel to an already out of control fire.
A lot of parents however feel a bit reluctant to express just how much of a worry this whole situation is to them out of fear of not being understood. I can't guarantee miracles, but if you talk to me about it openly, one thing I can guarantee is that I will understand. I am an experiences school teacher with four university degrees and own a tutoring company where I train other tutors how to be the best tutors for goodness sakes, and yet I still choose independent tutors for my own son for these very reasons. When you want the best for your child, you can't always be objective and rational. That's an unfortunate side effect of being a caring parent. It doesn't mean that you've failed to support them properly - it means that you've succeeded in caring enough to want to make a positive difference. By looking for the right tutor, you've also succeeded in knowing what it will take to get that difference happening.
THE BIGGEST HURDLES WHEN STARTING TUITION
Here's the problem we face. By the time many parents decie to hire a tutor, there is a chance that their child is already well aware that they are struggling, and probably not feeling too good about that. For that reason, there is a chance they may see that getting a tutor is a representation of their failure. They're hearing your voice of logic and reason explaining that everything will be okay, but meanwhile their inner voice is saying "you're such a disappointment now that you need a tutor." For some students, having their first session with a private tutor is almost like having to see a medical specialist for a really humiliating disease. It can be embarrassing and very disempowering for a vulnerable young mind that is at a stage in their life where the way their self-esteem develops will affect them for years to come.
For that reason, the way that your son or daughter views the idea of getting a tutor is crucially important. As I'm sure you've already figured out, it's important that they don't perceive the process as a punishment or an indication of inadequacy. Whilst I can't tell you a perfect formula for how to approach this, what I can tell you is based on the experiences we've had feedback from with hundreds of parents, all in very similar situations to you.
WHAT NOT TO DO
When many parents reach the point where they finally decide that getting a tutor is the right way to go, they actually take the worst possible option available to them. In fact, many of the clients who come to us do so to repair the damage that has already been done by taking this option; they took their child to a class based tutoring centre.
Tutoring centres (or coaching colleges as they are often called) are typically populated by student's that come from cultural backgrounds where obtaining the best possible mark is a mandatory requirement. They often come from families with unreasonably high expectations, where nothing is ever good enough. Either that, or they are gifted students themselves with very high intellectual capacities who attend coaching colleges because they need extra stimuli as they are not being challenged enough at school.
If your child is already outstandingly competent and performs better in a competitive environment, then by all means consider a tutoring centre. Where the student is struggling however and may feel insecure about their weaknesses being on display to those around them; imagine the irreparable damage it has on their self esteem when they are placed in an environment where the kids around them are even more 'high achievers' than at school, so comparatively, they feel even 'dumber'. That is the unfortunate reality of placing a struggling child in among students who are competitive performers and high achievers. It typically does more harm than good.
The reason it is appealing to some parents however is that because of the class approach, tutoring centres can be a cheaper option. By the time that the parents come to us however, the first part of the process is to try to undo the negative view that their child has developed about tutoring thanks to the self-esteem deteriorating effect of the more competitive environment.
The other mistake that parents often make is the value they place on solving the problem. The situation described above is often obvious to many parents who realise that one-on-one in a familiar setting such as the home is the most effective option. Many well-meaning mums and dads that are struggling to keep up with the cost of living, decide to opt for someone 'cheap' and end up with someone who simply doesn't know what they're doing.
If the tutor has the wrong approach, the wrong personality match or does not understand the way in which your child learns best, it is also likely to have disastrous consequences. Just when the student gets their hopes up that maybe, finally, someone will be able to come along that can help them overcome their hurdles, if they end up with the wrong tutor, the only message they get is that there really is no hope for them after all.
You and I can see the more rational picture of course, which is that there is always the option to get another tutor. For a young vulnerable mind however facing a very delicate situation they take very personally, their early experiences with a private tutor can either bring them out of their shell if you get the right tutor, or bury them in it even deeper if you get the wrong one.
No matter how long your child has been struggling at school, one thing has become very clear. The longer the child is left to struggle without the right support, the greater the problem becomes, and the more difficult it becomes to intervene. This is for two reasons, both of which I feel that all parents should be aware of.
The first is because of the cracks in their skills foundation. If your child has been lagging behind for many years, then trying to catch up quickly can be like trying to build a new house on a poor foundation; the new additions are not supported properly and crumble too easily under the slightest pressure. This is why any good tutor should aim to identify where those foundational weaknesses are precisely, and work on strengthening them as a priority above all else.
The second and most common reason is because of the foundational beliefs that a child develops about their own abilities. No matter what we as adults verbally explain to our children, they tend to take things very personally. When they see that their peers around them seem to be able to 'get it' whilst they don't, it often leaves them with the feeling that "I'm dumb" or "I'm just not good enough at this and I can't do it." These experiences can cause humiliation, shame and a huge gap in their confidence.
As kids get older, the last thing they want is for their parents (or anyone else for that matter) to be focusing on their weak spots. You may notice that when you try to speak to your child about their struggles, they may become shy, irritable, frustrated or even angry and do everything they can to avoid mum or dad focusing on it. This often causes mums and dads a lot of frustration as well, which only further serves to make the situation worse. In fact, in many instances, mum or dad is knowledgeable enough to be able to help their son or daughter with their schoolwork, but the irritability and frustration factor pose the biggest hurdle, and can often lead to a feeling of helplessness.
If this situation is one that you can associate with, the first thing you need to be aware of is that you are not alone. This is very common. The frustration you may experience is normal. The helplessness however is unnecessary, as now you can rest assure that you've found the right help.
You know that your son or daughter does have their particular strengths, is very capable in some areas, and is certainly not 'dumb'. You want them to be able to see how capable they really are but you don't know how to show it to them because the reality is that their experiences at school are not painting the picture you wished they could see. You want the best for them but your attempts to help them either don't help as much as you wished they could, or, in some circumstances, may just add fuel to an already out of control fire.
A lot of parents however feel a bit reluctant to express just how much of a worry this whole situation is to them out of fear of not being understood. I can't guarantee miracles, but if you talk to me about it openly, one thing I can guarantee is that I will understand. I am an experiences school teacher with four university degrees and own a tutoring company where I train other tutors how to be the best tutors for goodness sakes, and yet I still choose independent tutors for my own son for these very reasons. When you want the best for your child, you can't always be objective and rational. That's an unfortunate side effect of being a caring parent. It doesn't mean that you've failed to support them properly - it means that you've succeeded in caring enough to want to make a positive difference. By looking for the right tutor, you've also succeeded in knowing what it will take to get that difference happening.
THE BIGGEST HURDLES WHEN STARTING TUITION
Here's the problem we face. By the time many parents decie to hire a tutor, there is a chance that their child is already well aware that they are struggling, and probably not feeling too good about that. For that reason, there is a chance they may see that getting a tutor is a representation of their failure. They're hearing your voice of logic and reason explaining that everything will be okay, but meanwhile their inner voice is saying "you're such a disappointment now that you need a tutor." For some students, having their first session with a private tutor is almost like having to see a medical specialist for a really humiliating disease. It can be embarrassing and very disempowering for a vulnerable young mind that is at a stage in their life where the way their self-esteem develops will affect them for years to come.
For that reason, the way that your son or daughter views the idea of getting a tutor is crucially important. As I'm sure you've already figured out, it's important that they don't perceive the process as a punishment or an indication of inadequacy. Whilst I can't tell you a perfect formula for how to approach this, what I can tell you is based on the experiences we've had feedback from with hundreds of parents, all in very similar situations to you.
WHAT NOT TO DO
When many parents reach the point where they finally decide that getting a tutor is the right way to go, they actually take the worst possible option available to them. In fact, many of the clients who come to us do so to repair the damage that has already been done by taking this option; they took their child to a class based tutoring centre.
Tutoring centres (or coaching colleges as they are often called) are typically populated by student's that come from cultural backgrounds where obtaining the best possible mark is a mandatory requirement. They often come from families with unreasonably high expectations, where nothing is ever good enough. Either that, or they are gifted students themselves with very high intellectual capacities who attend coaching colleges because they need extra stimuli as they are not being challenged enough at school.
If your child is already outstandingly competent and performs better in a competitive environment, then by all means consider a tutoring centre. Where the student is struggling however and may feel insecure about their weaknesses being on display to those around them; imagine the irreparable damage it has on their self esteem when they are placed in an environment where the kids around them are even more 'high achievers' than at school, so comparatively, they feel even 'dumber'. That is the unfortunate reality of placing a struggling child in among students who are competitive performers and high achievers. It typically does more harm than good.
The reason it is appealing to some parents however is that because of the class approach, tutoring centres can be a cheaper option. By the time that the parents come to us however, the first part of the process is to try to undo the negative view that their child has developed about tutoring thanks to the self-esteem deteriorating effect of the more competitive environment.
The other mistake that parents often make is the value they place on solving the problem. The situation described above is often obvious to many parents who realise that one-on-one in a familiar setting such as the home is the most effective option. Many well-meaning mums and dads that are struggling to keep up with the cost of living, decide to opt for someone 'cheap' and end up with someone who simply doesn't know what they're doing.
If the tutor has the wrong approach, the wrong personality match or does not understand the way in which your child learns best, it is also likely to have disastrous consequences. Just when the student gets their hopes up that maybe, finally, someone will be able to come along that can help them overcome their hurdles, if they end up with the wrong tutor, the only message they get is that there really is no hope for them after all.
You and I can see the more rational picture of course, which is that there is always the option to get another tutor. For a young vulnerable mind however facing a very delicate situation they take very personally, their early experiences with a private tutor can either bring them out of their shell if you get the right tutor, or bury them in it even deeper if you get the wrong one.
Why Teach Abstinence-Only Education?
As a society, we're slowly progressing. We're molting, leaving the Age of Capricorn and entering the Age of Aquarius.
We are in a new age. And now that we've entered it, we need to rid ourselves of antiquated healthcare practices perpetuated by atavistic superstition and dogma.
We need to base our healthcare practices off of science, statistics, and common sense, not ideology.
In short, we need to eradicate abstinence-only education.
I'm wearing my cerebral Kevlar, locked and loaded, and ready for battle.
My commentary isn't meant to inspire ire or jubilance, but rather provide a logical argument against abstinence-only education.
It's time that we, healthcare professionals, hash this out.
Our job is to prevent disease, save lives, and 'do no harm.'
And statistics show, overwhelmingly, that abstinence-only education is positively correlated with teen-age pregnancies and the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.
Yep, teens exposed to abstinence-only education are more likely to have sex than kids who don't!
Yet, for whatever reason, many high school nurses keep on teaching abstinence-only education, some because they want to, and others because they must.
However, as nurses, we must advocate for our children, as their lives depend on it.
I, personally, couldn't teach abstinence-only education, just like I couldn't teach that the world is flat or that the sun revolves around the Earth. I'm not trying to be an ass, but come on.
Okay, now I'll give you two good reasons why abstinence-only education doesn't work.
Firstly, we're human. We're sexual creatures, and we begin experimenting sexually sometime after puberty -some of us earlier than others.
Secondly, sex is fun. Yep, I said it, we enjoy having sex. And the more we tell teens they shouldn't have sex, the more likely they will.
Why? Well, because they're teenagers and teenagers rebel.
Alright, alright, some of you're probably thinking: "It's against the Bible, my child needs to wait till marriage, and if you teach them comprehensive sexual education they'll be more promiscuous." Well, that argument is absurd. It just isn't true.
Once again, we're human, and we're all sinners.
Go ahead, just ask St. Augustine.
If you would like to read more of my articles like this, please visit http://www.mightynurse.com.
We are in a new age. And now that we've entered it, we need to rid ourselves of antiquated healthcare practices perpetuated by atavistic superstition and dogma.
We need to base our healthcare practices off of science, statistics, and common sense, not ideology.
In short, we need to eradicate abstinence-only education.
I'm wearing my cerebral Kevlar, locked and loaded, and ready for battle.
My commentary isn't meant to inspire ire or jubilance, but rather provide a logical argument against abstinence-only education.
It's time that we, healthcare professionals, hash this out.
Our job is to prevent disease, save lives, and 'do no harm.'
And statistics show, overwhelmingly, that abstinence-only education is positively correlated with teen-age pregnancies and the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases.
Yep, teens exposed to abstinence-only education are more likely to have sex than kids who don't!
Yet, for whatever reason, many high school nurses keep on teaching abstinence-only education, some because they want to, and others because they must.
However, as nurses, we must advocate for our children, as their lives depend on it.
I, personally, couldn't teach abstinence-only education, just like I couldn't teach that the world is flat or that the sun revolves around the Earth. I'm not trying to be an ass, but come on.
Okay, now I'll give you two good reasons why abstinence-only education doesn't work.
Firstly, we're human. We're sexual creatures, and we begin experimenting sexually sometime after puberty -some of us earlier than others.
Secondly, sex is fun. Yep, I said it, we enjoy having sex. And the more we tell teens they shouldn't have sex, the more likely they will.
Why? Well, because they're teenagers and teenagers rebel.
Alright, alright, some of you're probably thinking: "It's against the Bible, my child needs to wait till marriage, and if you teach them comprehensive sexual education they'll be more promiscuous." Well, that argument is absurd. It just isn't true.
Once again, we're human, and we're all sinners.
Go ahead, just ask St. Augustine.
If you would like to read more of my articles like this, please visit http://www.mightynurse.com.
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